An adventure van saved my life. Kind of sounds like an exaggeration, doesn't it? It's not. A silly adventure van saved my life, showed me purpose, and taught me and my two young daughters invaluable life lessons.
I was going through a divorce in 2017 after 15 years of marriage. It was the darkest, saddest time of my life. It was for my ex-wife as well. My ex and I were working hard to uncouple in the best way possible for the girls. As those of you who have been through divorce know, it was a tough, weird, unsettling, sad, and confusingly dark time. We worked hard to keep the girls at the center of everything, but both my ex and I were struggling, big time.
How Men (Don't) Deal with Mental Health
Remember the sad dad meme of 2017? That was me, at some point of every hour of every single day. Would my daughters be destroyed because their security was ripped away? How much would we all suffer? How could I go on, feeling like I had lost something so important and special? How could I deal with this unbearable sense of failure? The biggest failure in my life by far.
Nobody saw this on the outside—I put on a strong, happy face for my daughters, for my colleagues, for my clients. Never let them see you sweat. Fake it 'til you make it. Real men don't cry. And all that other bullshit we know is the farthest distance from healthy advice.
One reason I’m so vocal about us working on Purpose as one of the three tenets of a healthy Thrivespan is that I did not understand the imperative nature of it at the time. I could put on a strong external face and achieve at high levels, even with my internal struggles, because the more I looked outwards, the more I achieved and the less I had to feel. I could work out in the gym and work hard at the office, but inside I was eroding.
Every morning and throughout each day, I would grit and smile and push and drive and succeed. Every night, I would be overwhelmed with emotion and cry uncontrollably, from the depths of my soul. Heaving, ugly, "I can't go on" types of cries.
Finding a Window of Hope—and a Doorway to Adventure
One day, as I talked to my therapist about how to move through this, she said two things I will never forget. First: "Your girls will be okay if you make them okay. Divorce does not destroy kids. The loss of safety, support, and security destroys kids. So, now, more than ever, show your girls security, support, and the deepest unconditional love they have ever known. Do this now and for the rest of their lives, and they will be way more than okay." Second: "The only unforgivable thing they might not recover from is losing you to suicide. Just don't commit suicide—anything else you do is okay."
That shook me to the core. That is not something I was even considering. Was she sizing me up to be in such bad shape that she thought this was a possibility? If that's the case, then I really better pull my shit together. And, wait a minute… did she say "anything?" Like anything, "anything?" No need for responsibility, no judgment, no making sense "anything?" Carpe diem "anything?" Think of the wildest dream adventure for my girls "anything?" Wow. Cool!
The next thing I knew, I was designing an adventure van with my daughters. We quickly became an unstoppable team, creating, exploring, adventuring, and seeing life through the windows of a 4x4 Mercedes Sprinter van.
The Genesis of Moohah & the Core of Thrivespan's Purpose
Take a trip with me down memory lane on the greatest experience I could ever imagine sharing with my spunky, imaginative, fun, and adorable girls. Scroll all the way to the beginning of the Thrivespan Instagram account, and you will see how we started the most unforgettable bonding experience together, years ago, with an adventure van. Take a moment to see how Thrivespan's core tenet of Purpose is rooted in, and exemplified by, the pink, yellow, and teal creations of a dad and his daughters.
Way outside my comfort zone, I told the girls that they could control the design and explore their most creative visions. Before I knew it, they were choosing colors based on their favorite stuffed animals and fabrics based on who-knows-what runs through young girls' imaginations. They chose color-changing lights for the interior, with then-7-year-old Quinn's favorite being "unicorn pink." Paige, then 10, was, for some reason, fixated on having a yellow fridge; so, before we knew it, she was working with the van build team to create a yellow fridge.
At some point, in the most incredibly excited utterance of all time, Paige asked "Can we name our van Moohah?" So, our Mercedes Sprinter 4x4 was christened Moohah—a word that meant nothing to the rest of the world, while meaning absolutely everything to us.
The three of us designed every square inch of Moohah together with the help of the most patient van builders and funky design friends we met through Instagram. The yellow fridge, unicorn pink lights, and teal accents were just the start. We picked out African mudcloth fabrics for window covers, serape blankets for comfort, and every detail down to Junk Gypsy pillows and Tibetan prayer flags.
From the outside, Moohah was a rugged, bold, and unstoppable 4X4 machine. Inside, she was a colorful explosion of bright colors, love, and laughter. Relentlessly tough on the outside, soft and mushy on the inside, Moohah embodied exactly who I was at that moment in time. Moohah carried us to school and work and on adventures throughout the American West. More importantly, she carried our dreams and shared visions. Moohah became our identity. She was everything to us.
Seeing the World Through the Eyes of My Daughters
I experienced life through the lens of two little girls, on adventures with their dad, creating, expressing, laughing, and exploring together. We took Moohah to the beach, to Yosemite, to Utah. We drove to school, and we drove to ski. We explored the American West and also the depths of our creativity. We drove together, adventured together, learned together, and grew together. We were an unstoppable team.
We even had so much fun creating bespoke window covers for our van, that the three of us started a family business selling window covers for other van-builds. The girls and I went to vanlife gatherings together, from California to Idaho, where we set up Moohah Creatives pop-up shops to sell window covers we designed to other adventure van enthusiasts.
Some of our best experiences were having sleepovers in Moohah at home, with friends and cousins. We even picked up our puppy, Lewis, in Moohah. From day one, as the most adorable little Golden Retriever puppy, Lewis was our adventure pup and co-pilot. Over the years, he would grow to be my closet confidant and pal.
I was a dad who didn't care how stupid or silly or dumb all of this was. I was motivated by the deepest purpose and meaning. I was, at my core, motivated, guided, and propelled to experience this great adventure with my girls. Truly with them and through them. We were an unstoppable team. We were the Moohah Crew!
How Purpose Shapes Us and Gives Us Power
The crazy thing is that my sense of purpose and meaning began to define me, shape me, and propel me from the inside. I was not externally motivated. I was living my authentic truth. And that's when the surprises and transformations happened. My attention to detail at work went through the roof. My financial well-being skyrocketed. My colleagues, clients, and friends all noticed. I was confident and bold, but not brash. No longer did I have a confident veneer covering a questioning or "faking it" inside. It was as if I was fueled by the oxygen of meaning and the nutrients of purpose. I grew tall and strong from the inside. I was able to provide security for those around me. I provided a sense of love, adventure, and make-no-small-plans, big-yes-energy gumption for my girls. They saw that anything is possible. They saw that adventure and experience await if you go for it.
Guess what else happened? As I grew, and as I gained self-esteem and confidence through purpose and meaning, I also met the love of my life. I 100%, absolutely would not be with her today if it were not for Moohah the Adventure Van. Bianca, my now wife, was one of many incredible friends I met or connected with through Moohah and our vanlife adventures. I knew Bianca through Summit Series, but we were just acquaintances from different countries. As Bianca followed the Moohah adventures from afar, she shared how she had a Westfalia van with her dad when they were young. She talked about her love of nature and what those Canadian camping trips with her dad and sister meant to her. We shared about sadness when she went through a breakup, and I actually knew how to talk about things at this point since I was learning who I was at my core.
I got to know Bianca from a distance because this silly adventure van had taught me how to be myself—how to live life just for me and my girls, how to dance as if nobody is watching, how to live, unbridled and free, with a sense of inner purpose and meaning.
A couple of years later, Bianca was joining us on Moohah adventures. Moohah took us to Sequoia, Death Valley, Sedona, and so many more places. Now, a dad, his two tween and teen girls, his girlfriend, their puppy, and a 9,000 lb adventure van of fun.
A year later, as we grew, explored, and bonded together, another special moment happened—the girls and I surprised Bianca with an engagement ring on our property in Topanga Canyon. One of the most meaningful moments of my life was planning this surprise with my girls. Asking for their blessing. Planning how to surprise Bianca. Having the girls be not just part of it, but truly the drivers of it. (A lesson I learned from Moohah). Bianca said yes. And then she and I drove off to the most incredible resort in Utah, with a giant "She Said Yes" sign on the back of Moohah the Adventure Van.
We all had such incredible experiences with Moohah. We bonded and grew together as a family unit. Moohah taught me to find purpose. Moohah taught us all to go for it, to create, to say "yes" and to see where things would lead. Moohah taught us that things are just things while meaning, purpose, and experiences last a lifetime.
Our Family Grows
Those tiny girls became teenagers. Our puppy grew into a 75 lb dog. Bianca was now living with us full-time. As the years went on, we didn't really fit that well anymore in the van. We were driving Moohah on adventures and staying in hotels for comfort. Then Covid hit and rocked my business, as it did to so many others. We made the heart-wrenching family decision to sell Moohah. We said "good-bye." We cried so hard. Had I cried harder in my life? Yes, see above. But these were not sad tears of things that could have been. These were tears of everything Moohah represented, tears of celebration for what we had created together, what we had explored together, the distances we had traveled together—not just the physical miles, but the emotional ones as well. My girls and I knew, as we held each other in a pile of tears, that we had done something amazing and unforgettable together. Something indelible. Something crazy, fun, wild and unforgettable. Moohah would be gone, but we will always be the Moohah Crew!
The impact of Moohah continued, even after parting with her physically. Even the story of selling Moohah is special and rocks my world. We sold Moohah to a dad of two girls in Florida. We knew Chris through our adventures. He followed Moohah from the start. He saw what Moohah had done for me and my daughters, and he wanted to create his own special Moohah adventures for his girls, who were the same ages as Paige and Quinn when we had started our adventures. Feels unreal, doesn't it? It does to me as I recount this.
As I type this, I smile and tear up and laugh and sit back and remember how this crazy, silly, makes-no-sense adventure van saved my life. And, beyond that, our saying "yes" and going for it, touched and shaped so many lives around us.
Now is The Time to Say "Yes"
I really hope you take the time to go through the Instagram account and glance through the photos from the start of the feed. I am excited to share this adventure with you. To truly know the genesis of Thrivespan is to know the story and soul of Moohah. It doesn't take an expensive adventure van to find meaning. Not at all. It takes slowing down enough for a moment to stop and feel.
It takes being gentle on ourselves and our shortcomings. It takes finding meaning in anything small or big. It takes saying "yes" to that scary, silly, crazy first step in front of you.
As you’re reading this, take a deep breath and know it's going to be okay. Let that breath remind you that you are alive. That breath is your inner purpose. It is your meaning. Stop reading for a minute and go look in the mirror. Not figuratively, literally look in the mirror with nobody around, and say "I love you" to that face staring back at you. Look yourself in the eyes and say "It's okay." Stare at those eyes looking back at you and say "Yes" to the first step of even the smallest adventure in front of you at this very moment.