In a world that often treats self-improvement and wellness like a high-stakes reality show, complete with dazzling before-and-after testimonials and the promise of instant six-pack abs, the quest for longevity, purpose, and success can sometimes feel more like an unpleasurable extreme quest than an enjoyable and supportive journey. We've all encountered "lose 20 pounds in a week" schemes and too-good-to-be-true fad diets. We've heard countless gurus, executive coaches, and thought leaders talk down to us as they tell us how their exact path would be the perfect one for us.
But life isn't a reality show, and perfection is about as elusive as a fish on a bicycle. Scientific research reassures us that it's the little quirks, the endearing imperfections, and the baby steps that can truly lead us toward a healthier, longer, more meaningful life. If you sometimes feel like your personal journey is supposed to be a blockbuster action movie with special effects and a dramatic score, relax and join me on a more lovable underdog adventure. Not taking illusive perfection too seriously might be the thing that leads you to a happier, healthier, and longer life.
Let's kick things off with some timeless wisdom, because who can resist a good platitude? Two mantras I wholeheartedly embrace and frequently echo are, "Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good" and, "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." These guiding principles apply to Thrivespan's core tenets of Purpose, Success, and Longevity.
Don't Let the Perfect be the Enemy of the Good.
First, let's dive into Voltaire's "Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good." I recite this and implement this wisdom daily, if not hourly. Other versions might be, "Just do it," or "Done is better than perfect," or "A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step," or "The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the next best time is now." There are a hundred other ways to say this same thing—often displayed on cringey posters with glossy photos of eagles, mountains, or beaches emblazoned with inspirational quotes in bold font. But cringe is kind of the name of the game here.
A million people could write these words better than I am writing them right now. Hundreds of people could be more concise or get their thoughts across better. Or maybe not. My internal saboteur says there are. It whispers, "I am not going to get this perfect, so why even try?" It drones, "Someone could do this better, so why even start?" And that's when I need to remind myself, "Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good."
Maybe these words I am writing right now are not perfect, but might they be good enough to possibly speak to a single person? Clearly, others could say things better, but are they actually saying them? Maybe the person who needs these words, could be reading this right now. Maybe that's you. And if even 10% of this works for just you, and only you alone, then thank goodness I took the leap.
Embrace Imperfection and Just Begin: Starting Small in the World of Health and Longevity
We are never going to be perfect. We can strive for perfection, but if we start off perfect, we will never learn, never improve, never play things anything other than comfortably safe. Can I be vulnerable enough to put myself out there, to risk being laughed at, to venture into the unknown? When we wait for the perfect, we most likely never start. When we start off imperfect, it motivates us to improve and iterate swiftly. If you look at my website, you will find errors. I know they are still there, and that motivates me to correct and improve them quickly. Take a look at Thrivespan.com and let me know if you see them. They are there. I care, but I'm not letting perfection keep me from moving forward. Neither should you.
Let's put this into practice: In the realm of health and longevity, start small. Start basic. Be realistic. The reason I do not want us to use the word "diet" is because that word is restrictive, demanding, and unrealistic. The smart way for me to make millions would be to create "The Thrivespan Diet." That's the perfect way to make it seem straightforward and magical, like I have the mystical elixir. And then when you can't stay on it, you feel like you have failed, and I get to sell you more and more. Instead, what if we just start with the basics?
Starting Simple: The Power of Small Changes in Your Eating Habits
As Michael Pollen says, it all comes down to "Eat real food, mostly vegetables, not too much." Let's just start there. Nice and easy, don't overthink it, and don't worry about getting it perfect. Maybe we also add things like "sugar is the devil" or anything else that reminds us to keep it simple. Let's start with a simple game of only drinking water as our drink of choice for three weeks. (Coffee and tea are okay for this exercise as well, but nothing else). Don't think about not drinking soda or juice, rather start with drinking a lot of water first. It is much easier to add things in than to take things out. Psychologically, we like gaining things instead of losing things. Physiologically, I'm not actually thirsty for soda or juice. I already quenched my thirst with water. (We will focus more on our craving for sugars at another time).
Same with snacking. Personally, I am a big snacker. I think I do it out of boredom, as much as anything. Always walking through the kitchen and having some potato chips. And then a few more. And then a few more. On the other hand, if I snack on carrots or celery or apples or plums or nuts, I'm full on those before I even give myself a chance to think about the chips. Are you now wondering about the sugar in fruit or about the fat in nuts? Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Just start on the easy basics until they become a habit. Be gentle with yourself and improve over time.
Let's look at our tenet of success, in this context. Recall, that our success tenet is anything that requires a goal, drive, risk, or accomplishment. When we are trying, attempting, and striving we are in the goal-oriented success tenet.
Reclaiming Sleep: From 'I'll Sleep When I'm Dead' to "I Better Sleep or I'll Die"
I struggle with sleep. Always have. When I was in law school and then working extreme hours at a Beverly Hills talent agency, I would, like so many strivers and achievers, declare "I will sleep when I am dead." It sounded cool. I valued accomplishment over sleep. Sleep seemed lazy to me (how's that for an obvious one?)
I now know the value of sleep. know I cannot truly excel without enough sleep. I know I cannot be my best self, the most present and patient dad or husband without enough sleep. I know my health and longevity suffer without sleep, be it the inability to maintain muscle, the lack of brain reparation to help with Alzheimer's or dementia, or decreased immunity. One of the top sleep researchers is Dr. Matthew Walker of UC Berkeley. I read his book, listened to his podcasts, and consumed his MasterClass. At one point Dr. Walker said, "Based on the science, you can make somewhat clear statements: The number of people who can survive on six hours of sleep without impairment is zero." Zero! I never got more than six hours of sleep! I immediately set a goal to get seven hours of sleep every single night, or I knew the consequences would be dire.
Sleep Struggles: Finding Balance Between Goals and Reality
So, my goal was to sleep more. My goal was to sleep seven hours. I do not have trouble falling asleep, but I often struggle to get back to sleep when I wake up in the middle of the night. I will start thinking of work or tasks or obligations I will need to do. My "monkey mind" will start racing, and I will not be able to get back to sleep. Goal: Sleep seven hours a night or more.
I tracked my sleep. I got all blue light out of our bedroom. I followed Dr. Andrew Huberman's protocols of exposing myself to light first thing in the morning, no coffee in the afternoon, no overhead lights at night, and a hot shower before bed. And it worked! I slept seven hours straight! For one night. Exactly one.
Other nights it was five, sometimes six, maybe seven, but sometimes five. But five isn't enough. Dr. Walker's admonishments haunted me: "The number of people who can survive on six hours of sleep without impairment is zero." Every night I got less than six hours, I freaked out. When I woke up at 4:30am, my eyes would pop open with the thoughts, "Go to sleep now or get Alzheimers for sure!" I knew if I didn't get it perfect, I would die early. I needed to get it perfect, and so I didn't. Then, I took my own advice and softly told myself to not let the perfect be the enemy of the good.
Embracing the 'Good' Over 'Perfect' in the Pursuit of Wellness
The "good" was all I had learned about the science of sleep. The "good" was implementing morning walks every single day. The "good" was reading by red light at night and not by the blue light of the phone, choosing physical "New Yorker" magazines over scrolling TikTok. The "good" was learning about the important functions of sleep--the wonder and beauty of the fact that every single animal on earth sleeps. We never evolved out of it. This thing that makes every animal so vulnerable remains part of our evolutionary biology. It's special. Necessary. Wonderful.
I stopped listening to the podcasts on sleep. Stopped obsessing over the numbers. Stopped tracking things. Stopped worrying about perfection, and instead accepted the good, the great, the act of sleep. Do I sleep through the night now? Actually, yes, almost all the time. Do I get it perfect every night? No way. Not at all! But I know I'm not going to get it perfect. I can try and value and honor sleep for what it does and how important it is. We are not going to get all the things perfect. We are human, not machines, But that does not mean we shouldn't try. There is so much incredible good we can experience when we are not limited by the impossible quest for perfection.
Join me on this journey to unlock our power of 'good' over 'perfect.' Explore Thrivespan.com for more insights, resources, and stories of transformation. Let's awaken to the incredible potential of being human, where greatness thrives when we take simple action and don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.
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